The element of shame

There’s always an element of shame when it comes to the promises of God. You ask yourself is someone like me suppose to be experiencing this? What will people think ?Why did God allow me or put me in a situation that makes me look like a contradiction. But then I remember Esther was an orphan before she became queen, Joseph a slave before being a leader, Elizabeth was barren before John came to life, Sarah was barren, Mary was pregnant while being a virgin . Because we know their names and their stories we hold them in esteem but so many of us are orphans, slaves, barren, empty people who the world probably doesn’t even think anything. We are people who probably have been tucked aside as Joseph thought to do to Mary. Despite it all God looks at us the same way he looked at Esther, Abraham, Mary, elizabeth, Jacob, Leah and he says I have a plan for you even if the rest of man doesn’t.

So rest in the fact and truth that the king and creator or heaven and earth has an incredible future in store for you if ONLY you will believe.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

****will edit later


I’ve been thinking a lot about how life exist in the middle. By in the middle I mean being able to find the ability to pulled by both sides but not yielding to one side over the other. In Christianity, the middle is of course looked down upon especially when it comes to lukewarm ness but that’s not what this is about.

What I am talking about is being able to be in the world but not of the world. Being able to understand why people people do things but not condone the behavior. Being able to love people and be loved by people yet still be aware that out of that place of love they can hurt you. Being able to love someone for the beauty that God created them to be but then at the same time dealing with emotions of bitterness because of being misled by the same individual.

There are so many situations where emotions and my ability to understand where my place in it all leaves me torn. I believe that in this place that is where people to start to feel like they are losing their mind. It’s like trying to understand but not being able to but trying to because if you don’t it starts to feel like you’re favoring one side over the other.

I think of the women in the Bible who was caught in adultery. On one side there were those who wanted to kill her for her actions and meanwhile on the other side there is the women herself who saw no wrong in what she did. In the middle of it all was Jesus Christ the mediator standing in the middle of it all addressing her issue and yet not excusing her for actions. He didn’t let her walk free and yet he didn’t condemn her to hell.

It has taken me years to realize that all I need to do is balance myself. I just need to maintain my stability in Christ and in who God created me to be. I need to maintain my stability in my mind, my reactions, my behaviors and most especially my understanding of people. I’ve realized that a huge component in maintaining stability is having a solid platform to stand on . That platform is Christ and in fact Jesus Christ is the only platform that is able to provide a true balance. Every other platform bends to one extreme or the other.

This is all I have to say today. See you in the next day. Maintain a healthy balance in your thoughts, eating , spending , reactions everything. Be lenient but do not allow yourself to be stepped on. Treat yourself but do not indulge. Be sad but do not be suicidal. Be happy but do not become drunk of the high of life. Be Christ like . Be in Christ.

Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth- Psalm 46:10


There is a way that an individual passes through . A way that is so enticing that it almost seems like deviating from that path isn’t a possibility. You get trapped in that way and begin to think if this is how things will always be or maybe this will always be the norm. This could be anything honestly. It could be ones way of life, circumstances, addictions, and inability to refrain from destructive temptation. This could be that aching feeling in the depths of your soul that says “even though things look good I can’t help but feel that I’m missing out on something greater.” This could be that lack of satisfaction ….that void we never keep empty enough to see that something is actually missing.

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ because no matter where one begins when he arrives the entire game changes. Here we have master Jesus a mighty redeemer who buys us back from a life of mediocrity and normalcy and gives us a life filled with his majesty.

A long time ago we were all sold over to an enemy who meant us more harm then good but by the blood of Jesus we have been bought back and given the opportunity to live a life of true freedom.

“Return to me for I have redeemed you…”- Isiah 44:22

To be redeemed means you DON’T have to return back to that former way of life. You don’t have to be a slave to anything from your past.

Emotional distress & darkness

“For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober.”

‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:5-6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

They say once a sinner always a sinner and if that’s not what they are saying then they leave us to do all the talking. Unfortunately when I begin to talk I say” I’m saved by grace and yet I believe I’ll end up falling again” I could never see myself as a true victor, but simply a person who had a few victories but the end result being me losing.

I’m learning that when Christ won me over I won forever and not for a moment. Eternity means exactly what it means. No if ands or buts.

A discussion:

I found myself asking how am I suppose to deal with all these things going on and pretend like they aren’t there.

God isn’t saying your delusional and that your issues aren’t real. He acknowledges the reality of your issues. It’s so dangerous to walk around thinking that everything is just happening in your mind.

Another reality is that even in the midst of emotional distress triggered by anything he isn’t saying he will make it go away immediately. Sometimes going to the gym and working out won’t solve the issue. Sometimes “talking about it” won’t bring a solution. Sometimes praying about it won’t make it disappear. Sometimes eating to not have to deal with pain won’t make it bearable.

He doesn’t promise to make it all go away.

But he does promise to be with us in the middle of it.

Remember that his name is Immanuel!!!!😊

“Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet: “BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL,” which translated means, “GOD WITH US.”” Matthew 1:22-23

Today I found myself entering into a state of sadness and it just felt so heavy. I remembered the scripture below and began singing praises to God. I said I will lift of the name of God and forget about myself.

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” -Isiah 61: 3 KJV

You wouldn’t believe that in the middle of praising God I began to think a thought that tried to say “but things won’t turn around “. It was then that the Holy Spirit prompted me and made me to understand the spiritual battle going on. This wasn’t about me feeling bad about my situation but about an enemy that wanted to stop me from praising God.

The most beautiful part of it all is that in the midst of playing music that glorified his name and spoke of how Jesus had the real power I felt the garment of praise cover me.

In that moment I was covered and knew I was protected. I knew everything would be alright. I knew I had a magnificent father on my side. I knew that God was fighting my battles. I knew I wasn’t alone.

So when you see yourself entering that darkness lift up your voice in praise and feel the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit as he covers you and begins to fight your battles for you.

Listen to this short song that the Holy Spirit Brought to me:


Here are Some praise and worship songs to get you going:

  1. Savior by Afy Douglass
  2. Break Every Chain by Tasha Cobbs

What you’re suppose to do

I always thought that I had to stick to this cut out plan of how I should live my life, but I found that the persistent desires that went against the clear cut plans led to places I always imagined myself but didn’t know how to reach . I’ve gathered that in life there are ways we think we should take and then there is a way that God has paved out.

I’m taking the unmarked road from here on out.

The comments

The Root:

Sometimes you’re scrolling through life paying no mind to content and instead focusing all your attention on the comments. Always anticipating what others will say In response to your actions and decisions. Making assumptions off of the body language or perceived interpretation of another individuals action. There is always an equation running through your mind as you try to figure out what all the puzzle pieces will equate too. You have two issues:

1. You care to much about what people say even despite the fact the Lord God has spoken to you.

2. You want to know the future before it even occurs. Where is your faith?

The Fruit:

“Quitters or the “I give up” people are simply individuals who would have winning streaks if they persevered when everything in and around them told them to give up.”


“I don’t run much but I sit and watch everyone run. My mother says I’ll get to my destination by crawling from one space to the next. That is how I’ll win my own personal race. Despite that I ask myself why can’t I run too? I want to feel the easiness of my breath as I glide through the pathway of my life completely free. I too desire to be whole-whole enough to run a race.Every time I awaken and claim my victory of running that day I begin and eventually run smack dead into a brick wall and shatter into a million pieces. My father says to me “why do you do this to yourself? You know you have to take it easy. Try crawling beloved ” He always says this but every-time I see someone else running I want to do the exact same thing.


But I’vebeen thinking that I’m really tired and just need rest. I’ve been thinking that if I crawl that maybe I can recuperate emotionally and eventually learn how to walk and then eventually run. You know my father has workers that go before me and they tear down the brick walls.The machinery they use is the best in the industry and I prefer it that way because many have run into these walls and have been left shattered on the floor. My fathers workers always tell me to retreat when they see me running because they haven’t gotten to the walls that I’m trying to face.

I was being broken for no reason.”

Disclaimer: the running of a race has nothing to do with the actual action of running but rather being a participant in a race. So long as you are in the race you are running. In the above section titled discourse running referred to individuals who were fast and got things done quickly while those who crawled were considered slow or left behind.

Lessons: Read this slowly, chew it up slowly. Spit it out. Take it back in. Meditate on these scriptures. They’ll be written upon the tablet of your heart.

1. Slow down.

2 Peter 3:8-9ESV

“But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV

2. Don’t compare your race.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭9:11‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭4:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

3. Rest in the security of knowing that he has your best interest at heart.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭KJV‬

From the Writer’s Corner:

I have come to realize that each and every person really has to dig within themselves to uncover the root issues that are linked to the fruits that they manifest in their lives. In other words the issues you have internally may be producing certain habits . I’m not here to telling anyone how to sort themselves. This is my New Wine Old Skin process. I do this for myself sha, but if you see something in me that correlates with something occurring in you then use that phrase,word,idea or inspiration and let that be the starting point. Begin to dig at that point to find your root problems.

And please use the word of God(the Holy Bible) to guide you in this process. Trying to solve your issues without guidance from your creator is also the equivalent of “running into a brick wall.” I like to think of it like this: imagine walking in a maze and The Holy Spirit holds your hand while showing you where to turn(directing your thought process and seeing yourself or situation clearly) while Jesus Christ, the son of God, is there tearing down those brick walls.

Please don’t try to solve any issue in your life without Jesus Christ. Why spend an hour trying to solve an issue when you could get the answer or the strength to endure the situation instantly.

This life with Christ is the best. If you have never been proud of yourself and your works his presence encourages you and changes you to be better then what you could have ever imagined for yourself.

This is the NwosS perspective. Keep growing in Christ.

Timeless|Ope & Jesus



I entered the new year with fear. I wanted to stay in that place between 2017 and 2018 because when I looked back I saw burnt ashes and when I looked forward I could not even create a future for myself. Everything that was connected to me was thrown into a bowl and stirred up into a concoction that looked unappealing. …You know I stared so long at who I was, who I had become, where I could possibly go and if I am to be honest those moments of being still were probably the best things I could have done for myself. There are times where life is actually a mess .( I am not even going to say that it seems like a mess or that its just my perspective. ) It is such a mess that whatever direction you think to go in will leave you mentally unstable and incapable of making sound decisions. The only thing that I will say for anyone who is close to edge (suicide, about to make some VERY bad decisions) is DO NOT JUMP.

He Spoke:

Philippians 3:13-14 (KJV)
13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

I Spoke Back:

“I think about the goodness of the Lord and drown myself in that. I do not drown myself in the goodness of the Lord that has been shown in other peoples lives, but rather in that which I have seen in my own. And I look at Christ with clarity comparing his word to the witness within me and choosing to walk away from everything that doesn’t look like who he has shown himself to me to be. I choose to trust in Jesus Christ. I choose to love him personally. This is what I choose to do. I choose to do it not so that I look like a good child or a good christian but because I know that the moment I let go of him I am finished. I choose Jesus. That’s my choice.”

The Wilderness:



“This is my wilderness and in this wilderness there are miracles. It never dawned on me that the Israelite saw so many miracles while passing through the wilderness. It wasn’t until I read about how the miracles ceased that I realized that the wilderness was not a place of darkness, but a breeding ground for God’s power. “

Joshua 5:12
“And the manna ceased on the morrow after they had eaten of the old corn of the land; neither had the children of Israel manna any more; but they did eat of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year”




I am usually optimistic about new years but this year I was not interested whatsoever. I was in a very dangerous place spiritually, but his grace saves. I do not care what year it is right now I just know that I want to enjoy this time that I am alive because I do not know how long I’ll live and I don’t want to live it in darkness.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14